Happy Earth Day!

Not only is it Earth Day but its SUNNY!!  So grateful to be able to go out and walk the dog.  Get some sun in my face.  The only thing that could be better is laying on a beach! 

 

I can't tell you how many times I have thought about taking off to the ocean today!  Sometimes I wish I could live that way.  I wanna live that way! 

 

Peace and love

 

J.

Lets go Crazy!

Crossing off a bucketlist item today!  I can't imagine doing it with anybody else!

 

Lets do this right!!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I deserve to be first!

Wow!!  What a weekend!  Girls weekend at the cabin.  I have never laughed so hard that my stomach hurt, cried so much that I couldn't stop, made such a fool of myself, and took such silly pics being 100% SOBER!!!  I walk away head high and then reality hits and I start judging myself. 

 

But don't get upset...that did not last long.  I hung out with the cool girls!  The ones you wish you were friends with :)  The ones that come from different backgrounds but all have the same fears and experiences.  The ones that you can trust and learn from.  The ones you don't have to hide from.  The good ones!

 

I have learned a bit about myself this weekend.  I have learned my self esteem is still really low!  I still judge myself on my appearance and by what other people think of me.  I also have a real hard time accepting compliments or people telling me I am good or wanted!  Fucks with my head!  But at  least I am aware right? 

 

I know I am worth the wait for love!  I know I am not ready!  I also know that whom ever gets me will be lucky and satisfied.  But I am not ready now!  What I am loving is the space I live in with me.  The fun me!  The crazy me!  The cool me!  Trust yourself lady! 

I am worth it!

 

Thank to Brandi for the fun fun weekend!

 

 

Oh life!

OK here is my question to you!  How do you stop your heart, mind, pussy...what the fuck ever from falling for somebody unavailable to you?   I know the human race,..we are first attracted by visual which I am sure comes from our history of the need to procreate.  I get that.  But what if you want it to stop? 

Do you stuff it?  Go along with life and just hope someday it goes away or God help you it works out?

Do you set healthy boundaries and make sure it stays platonic?  Always platonic?

Or do you stop the relationship all together?

Last time this happened to me my heart was broken!  I am in a different place now and I know I am not worth another broken heart!  I am a good person, a great catch.  Just a little distracted by something that is amazing.  


So Jessie Jo..what to do?   I think my friend said it best......go with your mind!  (Sigh)

He laughs at my pain..;)

Girls weekend this weekend.  Glad to get away to some nature and some rocking friends!

I love you rkj

J.

Spring time!

Grateful

I feel grateful daily now. I used to live in such a negative state that I would miss so many things around me. Today I saw hawks soaring in the sky searching for prey. I felt grateful. I laughed with my daughters so hard at our video we made. I felt grateful. I got to text a awesome chick. I felt grateful. So many things happen in my life that I actually FEEL grateful for. What a wonderful feeling. I think it is my most favorite feeling I have going on at this moment.

I can honestly tell you right now, at this moment in time I am content. I love my life and feel so happy. I am over 60 days sober. Without a drop. I am grateful.

I love you rkj

j.

You missed it

You missed the first day of school.
You missed the school talent show.
You missed all of the awards.
You missed the softball games.
You missed Christmas morning.
You missed the Easter bunny.
You missed all the Sunday dinners.
You missed trick or treating.
Where were you?
You missed the first jobs.
You missed the sad days
You missed parent conferences
You missed first loves.
You missed so many birthdays.
You missed everything but me.

Grief

Grief is one huge son of a bitch. I have been single now for over 6 months. This is huge for me. When I watch romantic movies I feel envy. When I see families I feel sadness. When I see fighting I feel relief. It will be nice to watch a movie or a couple in real life and not compare them to me or my past. That will be true freedom.

I enjoy the many perks of singledom but I also miss the joys of having a partner. I just still have work to do on what kind of person gets to have that from me. Cause the next one I want to be the last one. Or at least that's what I hope for. No expectations.

I pray for peace

I love you rkj

J.