I woke up so tired. So swollen from my cry last night. I was told I had a crying hangover. It makes sense. I feel embarrassed of my episode last night. Like I created a scene. I got lost last night. Opened an old wound and almost bled to death.
I have never felt so close to life and death at the same time. I have so many life scars. So many old wounds. I for sure need them to heal.
The support I have is amazing and I am grateful. Music and Nature are my doctors. They tell me stories and give me hope. I will come out of this a new person. A healed person.
It's January and its an amazing day. I get to spend it with amazing girls and look at all of the earths beauty. I am in total awe and so happy to be a part of it.
I don't know much, but I do know one thing. If I slow down and listen to the world around me, it gives me answers. Funny thing is,it doesn't give me complete answers. Just enough to know its ok.
People come into my life that are suppose to come. People also leave that are suppose to. That is ok. Its ok for people to leave. Its ok for me to invite.
Moving forward does not mean leaving behind. The human is built for change, built for adapting. That's what we do and we do it well.
So its officially 2013. If feels different. Lighter, safer, easier, and ODD. I like odd numbers. Especially the number 13. I feel good about going into this year. My kids are older and wiser. They are more willing and I am finding certain things I connect with them individually. I love this.
This year for New Years I didn't go out. I didn't get a babysitter. I stayed home with my kids + Taye Taye. We played board games and watched a movie. I tried something new this year. We got two cups. One for all our Grateful and one for all our Regrets.
We took turns reading them out loud and claiming them. When it came to a regret or negative we burnt it over a candle. It was really awesome to hear the kids different regrets and gratefuls. I am so proud to be their mom. I know they will make great adults.
Our Regrets!
Spent the day today at the beach. It was cold but pretty. Dogs love to get out and so do the kids.
