We NEED it!
Read a passage today about discipline. About how children need discipline in order to feel safe. They need it to learn to be adults. Right from wrong and all that. I remember once i was a kid. I asked my mom "how come you never ground us?" She said " do you want me to?" me "yes" mom " OK you're grounded"
I didn't really want to be grounded but i was confused of why we never were. My friends always were. Did we do nothing wrong? We were given lots of freedom. My mom was a single mom. Latchkey kids they called us. We roamed the neighborhood. Had friends over. But never really did anything "wrong".
Now today: 36 years old, single mom, 3 kids, full time job. I still have no discipline. Discipline towards myself. I ignore money issues. I don't give myself consequences. I just simply fall into victim waiting for somebody to fix it. I have to stop that. In order to change my situation I HAVE to change my situation. My kids don't need me to buy them everything. They will know I love them the same. Somethings gotta give or they stress of money will take my health.
Speaking of health.... we have been fucking sick here for 5 days. Locked up watching every damn episode of Roseanne. Trust me when I said to myself on Wednesday of last week that i was jealous of my kids 4 day weekend, I didn't mean i wanted to spend it with them shitting and puking at the same time :)
I am liking making goals. Going to test myself on reaching them. Small at first...gaining confidence to make larger ones.
Today I will not procrastinate on getting my finances in order. I will have this goal completed by the end of November!
From today's language of letting go:
Today I will let go of my need to control by waiting until the time is right. When the time is right, I will take action.
Keep on walking.
