Money

Money.. the root of all evil.  We want it, we hate it, we love it. 

We NEED it!

Read a passage today about discipline.  About how children need discipline in order to feel safe. They need it to learn to be adults.  Right from wrong and all that.   I remember once i was a kid.  I asked my mom "how come you never ground us?"  She said " do you want me to?"  me "yes"  mom " OK you're grounded" 

I didn't really want to be grounded but i was confused of why we never were.  My friends always were.  Did we do nothing wrong?    We were given lots of freedom.  My mom was a single mom.  Latchkey kids they called us.  We roamed the neighborhood.  Had friends over.  But never really did anything "wrong".

Now today: 36 years old, single mom, 3 kids, full time job.  I still have no discipline.  Discipline towards myself.  I ignore money issues.  I don't give myself consequences.  I just simply fall into victim waiting for somebody to fix it.  I have to stop that.  In order to change my situation I HAVE to change my situation.  My kids don't need me to buy them everything.  They will know I love them the same.  Somethings gotta give or they stress of money will take my health.

Speaking of health.... we have been fucking sick here for 5 days.  Locked up watching every damn episode of Roseanne.  Trust me when I said to myself on Wednesday of last week that i was jealous of my kids 4 day weekend, I didn't mean i wanted to spend it with them shitting and puking at the same time :)

I am liking making goals.  Going to test myself on reaching them.  Small at first...gaining confidence to make larger ones. 

Today I will not procrastinate on getting my finances in order.   I will have this goal completed by the end of November!

From today's language of letting go:

Today I will let go of my need to control by waiting until the time is right.  When the time is right, I will take action.

Keep on walking.